You’ll find a thousand ways to begin making love when you’re devoted to being fully present with your lover…because Presence is the most potent turn-on.
Come to your lover powerfully, sensually alive—already tapping the pleasure of a soul embodied (not as a hungry beggar just looking to get off)—to ignite the fires of sexual ecstasy.
Here is simple and profound kindling for that holy fire.
A note about consent: There exists an unspoken knowing between lovers for when, where, and what is a full-body Yes. If you’re ever unsure, simply ask, “May I…” Then listen with an open heart (keep any shame, blame, or coercion from contaminating sexual sovereignty).
A Lover’s Guide
1. Plan a meal at home consisting entirely of finger foods so we can feed each other with our hands (eating this way is proven to heighten the senses).
2. Drop into several minutes of synchronized breathing with me: begin inhaling together, fully expanding our lungs, then exhaling with an audible sigh or moan. Continue breathing deep and slow, no matter how hot things get. (Breath is the basis of all Tantric sex; here is a great book on this ancient practice.)
3. Massage my feet with a sensual oil, then slowly make your way up, rubbing my thighs, finally unlocking the treasure in-between.
4. Write, recite (or just read) a love poem to me.
5. Offer to help me with one or two of my “darling do’s” then suggest a quickie (a lover taking care of business is so hot).
6. Get us to bed early, then awaken me at dawn’s light with gentle, dreamy lovemaking.
7. Ask me if I want to make love (use this one sparingly, it can get dull when used too often).
8. Take me dancing. Getting wild and staying connected on the dance floor excites a cellular radiance.
9. Place both of your hands warmly on my chest and gaze into my eyes…rest here for longer than you thought possible, beaming your love into me.
10. Take me to the beach. Sun-kissed skin and ocean-swimming is a reliable precursor to fantastic f*cking.
11. Softly comb your fingers through my hair a few times, then slowly grasp a good handful of hair close to the scalp at the the nape of my neck (this position is important, otherwise it can just feel like pulling hair).
12. Get dirty planting a garden with me, followed by a sensual-sudsy clean-up together.
13. In bed, with me laying on my back, sit above me straddling my head between your legs so you can rub my face and neck with ease. Seal it with a soft, sweet kiss.
14. Take my chin gently into your hands and draw me into a long, deep full-bodied kiss.
15. Ask me to marry you.
16. Make a late-night date night in our bedroom—in advance, anticipation is key—with a few little surprises (a new sex toy, lingerie, or just a feather).
17. Read me a sexy goodnight story as your free hand traverses my body. (Anaïs Nin is a good start, explore her erotic writings, and others, here.)
18. Plan a road trip with a post-coital picnic—bring appropriate outdoor gear for sex au naturel (a Venus Mat will keep us clean & dry).
19. Nuzzle me from behind, then gently softly bite the back of my neck.
20. Book us a simultaneous massage (as well as a private room soon thereafter).
21. Brush my hair until I begin to purr like a cat…
22. Give me a yoni massage.
23. Adorn my body with something fit for a goddess.
24. Ask to undress me before bed. Do so as if you’re unwrapping the most magnificent gift…
25. Take me to a show or an art opening that inspires a stimulating conversation (then stimulate my other pair of lips with your cunning tactics).
26. Draw me a hot bath, preferably with salts, candles, and music. After I’m well soaked, offer to scrub my back (jets can be quite handy too).
27. Create a “master/slave” musical playlist and switch with each song who gets to command whom in desirous acts.
28. Bring me perfumed flowers, inhaling together as we consecrate this heaven on earth.